Feel so human?

What to do when you feel so human

I am therapist, and recently, I’ve been waking up in the morning to hear myself say “wow, I feel so human today.” I recognize this is an odd thought, because of course I woke up today just as human as any other day. With all that is happening in our world and in my life there is a raw heaviness inside of me that holds this thought. I sigh, acknowledging some unreasonable belief that as a therapist I should not feel derailed by the emotional turmoil of this pandemic. Clearly one’s professional identity can propagate unrealistic expectations of self. Nonetheless, I am finding that exploring my own humanness has been helpful in allowing me to better navigate and support the experiences of those I work with.

So, what does it mean to “feel so human”? My sense is that it is an experience of vulnerability in your feelings.  Connecting with feelings that are difficult and uncomfortable. Feelings that feel so familiar and yet completely new at the same time. Young, nostalgic feelings that have dulled for a while and then emerged with full intensity. Adult feelings that are strange and hard to manage. Full human feelings of uncertainty, fear, sadness, and anger all felt with a sense of raw vulnerability. Feelings followed by an array of thoughts like: Who is protecting me and keeping me safe? How do I protect and keep myself safe? Can I protect the people I love? Will the people I love die? Why can’t my family understand me? How can my partner do that? Why do people think that way? When will this be over? Will it ever be over? I am so alone. I cannot do another video call. I miss my friends.

So yes, I want to normalize every single one of these feelings, thoughts, and experiences for people. They are real. There is something happening which is profoundly collective and at the same time profoundly personal. This pandemic creates a shared experience for us all, while also touching deeply into our personal vulnerabilities, fears, and uncertainties in ways we are just discovering.

I cannot offer a quick, 5-step solution for dealing with this pandemic, or for dealing with anything in life for that matter, but I can offer some suggestions and insight into managing your very human experiences.

Feel it all. Slow down, take deep breaths and give yourself permission to feel everything. Feeling requires limiting distractions and being with yourself and/or a caring other. The more you feel, the less you will ruminate and worry about what you cannot control. Feeling the hard feelings doesn’t mean you walk around with a smile. Be open to the messiness and patient with yourself in the process.

Be open to the collective and curious about the personal. Acknowledging our shared experiences through this crisis can lead to connection and support. We have no emotional blueprint for managing this pandemic and embracing the universality of this new experience is something that can bring us together. We can embrace the collective and be curious about the profoundly personal experiences that this crisis will touch into. Just as this crisis exposes the frailty of our socio-economic and political framework, it will also highlight the cracks in our psyche where awareness and healing are wanting to emerge.

So, what do you do when you feel so human? Embrace it. Feel it. Know you are not alone in it. Connect with it and let it connect you to others.